im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
