so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
jump out the window naked night went bad
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
