If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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