I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
