6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
