Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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