I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
