Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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