I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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