I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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