i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
