And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
