It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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