If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
