You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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