I'm gonna have a badass scar
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
