I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
