i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
