i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
