Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize