I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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