South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize