Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
