I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
