he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
