Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
