I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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