Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
