Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
