Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
