I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
