so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
