Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she pinky promised me she was 18
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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