Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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