If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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