You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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