I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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