hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
