I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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