did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
