it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
