Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
