you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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