So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
