Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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