Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
