Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
