i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
