That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
