i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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