My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
