shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
