Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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