grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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