Sponge bath it is.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In America we eat man semen.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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