Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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