I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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