dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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