Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
