my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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