I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
