I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
