I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this must be what syphilis tastes like
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
