I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
