wanna go halves on a baby?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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