a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
