The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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