worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
