I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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