I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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